I had to wait a couple of weeks to write this post. I’m sorry that I didn’t do anything in the interim but it would be been too tempting to mention what was going on.
Two weeks ago, I gave my notice at LT. I had been trying to get some time off for several weeks, and after going just over six full months without a day off, I couldn’t take anymore. I was suffering from cabin fever, my girlfriend was ready to kill me, and the quality of my work had been decreasing. I didn’t want to quit, but it is probably for the best. It turns out in the end, that my presence wasn’t really wanted anyway, and that I would not be missed. That’s too bad - and extraordinarily demoralizing. At first I didn’t want to have anything to do with LT anymore, I just wanted to walk away and forget about it. I couldn’t do that, though. Even if my feelings were unrequited, I couldn’t leave LT without making sure stuff was working, working well, and in peak operating condition. It took me two full weeks, right up to the final hour, but I think I left them in a good place. I did a good amount of documenting of weird stuff over there, but the rest of it should be shaken out quickly by whomever takes over.
My final “meeting” with Tim & John was short. I showed them some of the server stuff at the colo facility, I showed them how to run a backup, what plugs in where, that sort of thing. It was very unceremonious, but even still I was very nervous. I reiterated my offer to stay on in a diminished capacity, which was politely refused, and then I was informed that I didn’t “mesh well” with the rest of the team. That hurt me pretty deeply, and I ended up coming home to zombie out for a while. Then I decided not to turn inwards too far because it just wasn’t worth it. Marie put it pretty well, that this was one of those breakups where “the guy just doesn’t care”. I do, however. I knew for a long time that I wasn’t well liked, and that my style was very different, but in my mind I thought that it would be a good thing and would keep the team on its toes. What it comes down to is I think just because I’m private, I’m not a hipster, I’m not an extroverted intellectual, and I look like a geek. Ok, looking like a geek probably had nothing to do with it, but it was fun to say that.
I know that I’m not the easiest person in the world to work with. I have a set method for certain things, and have had many years to develop just the right combination of bad habits and weird quirks. I love to learn, I love the be wrong, I love to be challenged and to find my limits being extended, but most of all I love my craft and the feeling I get when I am working on something new and exciting. The thing that gets me is that my offers to stay on weren’t rebuked because I am bad at my job, it’s because someone thinks I am a crappy person. That’s one of those things that leaves you feeling hollow and horrible, difficult to recover from because it wounds so deeply. I don’t think that was on purpose, but I’m pretty sensitive and I take things personally because I put all of who I am into everything that I do. Whether it’s working on computers or re-finishing my basement, I put 110% into everything and I take pride and ownership over it because I only do things I love. That may sound selfish, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s true!
Anyway, enough of that stuff. I need to move on as well, and for me that means coming up with my own thing (see previous posts) and doing some freelance gigs to keep the money coming into the house. I’ll do some dog walking for my girl, some side projects from old clients I had before LT who didn’t like the person I hooked them up, and some older projects that I had put on the back burner. In all, the concept here is to take some lemons and turn them into lemonade, without having to add too much sugar because I don’t want the diabetes. The other thing I want to do is thank the LT community for all of their help, support, and friendliness over the past seven months. You are truly a stand-up community, and one I will continue to visit once some time has passed. So, thank you very much, it was an absolute pleasure to serve you.
Now, I’m going to prep up some new entries. I’ve been wanting to do some entries on PillHelp Works and what it takes to build a broad system for pharmacological professionals to provide Medication Therapy Management services on-line and still remain HIPAA-compliant.
Onwards and upwards. I won’t even use the Latin for this, I’m a regular guy, and that will never change.